


don't drink and fic kids

by bespokenboy



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Crack, M/M, attempted smut??????? idk, harry potter au???? maybe?????
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-17
Updated: 2016-06-17
Packaged: 2018-07-15 13:58:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 939
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7225132
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bespokenboy/pseuds/bespokenboy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>i really don't know what to say other than i was very drunk and i tried to write fic and it's kinda entertaining tbh. will probably delete this in a few days LOL</p>
            </blockquote>





	don't drink and fic kids

 

\----part one----

 

The sweat on Mingyu’s forehead drips in a long trickle from his temple to his jaw, sliding across his skin like paint. If paint was less viscous and could actually move quickly, because Mingyu has indeed watched paint dry before and that shit takes a fucking  _ long _ time. 

 

“Two hundred thirty- _ six _ , two hundred thirty- _ seven _ ,” Mingyu grunts under his breath. He hears a quiet knock on his bedroom door.

 

“Are you okay in there?” he hears Hansol ask from the other side of the door. 

 

“Yeah,” Mingyu calls out, wishing that the other Gryffindor prefects would leave him alone when they see that his door is locked. It’s none of their business what Mingyu is up to behind closed doors.

 

It’s quiet, so Mingyu starts counting again. 

 

“Two hundred thirty- _ eight _ , two hundred thirty- _ nine _ .”

 

To his irritation, he hears another voice again, Junhui this time. 

 

“Mingyu, are you okay?” he asks. “Are you….doing push-ups? Why are you counting?”

 

Mingyu glances around his bedroom floor. His rug is littered with crumbling walnut shells. 

 

“Yeah,” Mingyu says, deciding that it would be easier just to let them believe that he’s doing push-ups, locked inside his room.

 

Someone else starts knocking on his door, an insistent, rapid staccato. 

 

“Kim Mingyu,” another voice says sharply. “You’ve been locked inside your room for three days now. You need to come out before we call the Headmaster.” 

 

Mingyu rolls his eyes when he recognizes the voice of Seungcheol, the Hogwarts Head Boy. Or,  _ Head Dad _ , as Mingyu likes to call him, because he swears that there’s a barrel-chested forty year old man stuck in the body of the skinny seventeen year old. 

 

“I’ll come out when I’m ready,” Mingyu says.

 

“You need to come out  _ now _ ,” Seungcheol tells him firmly. “This is unacceptable. You’ve missed two patrol duties already! You’re a  _ prefect _ !” 

 

Mingyu doesn’t answer, he just continues his business. “Two hundred  _ forty _ , two hundred forty- _ one _ ,” he mutters. 

 

His muscles ripple with every walnut he crushes between his palms. He skillfully plucks out the antioxidant-rich kernel from its dry, wrinkly shell and pops it into his mouth. 

 

This is what Mingyu has been doing for the past three days straight, nothing else. Just cracking walnut shells with his bare hands and eating the delicious kernels inside. He can’t explain it to the others, they couldn’t possibly understand how much Mingyu loves nuts.  

 

“Mingyu,” Seungcheol says, his voice sounding more fatherly than ever. “Since you won’t cooperate, we have no choice but to unlock your door.”

 

“I’d like to see you try!” Mingyu scoffs. His door is padlocked, they couldn’t possibly—

 

Within seconds, the padlock falls away from his door and Mingyu suddenly remembers that magic is something that exists.

 

There are more people standing outside his door than expected. Seungcheol is standing in front, flanked by Hansol and Junhui on either side. There are other students too, not prefects, peering into his room. Jeonghan is on his tiptoes looking over Seungcheol’s shoulder with an expression of consternation mingled with wonder. 

 

“So….many nuts,” Seungcheol mutters, his voice shaky with horror. “Mingyu….why?”

 

“Do you have a problem with it?” Mingyu asks defiantly. “Are you angry?”

 

“I’m not mad, I’m just….” Seungcheol’s voice trails off before articulating the rest of his thought.

 

“Disappointed?” Mingyu supplies.

 

“No, I’m just confused. Very, very confused.”

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


\----part two----

  
  


“DAMN WONOO YOUR SKINNY FLAPP Y PAPER BODY I S SO SXY”, MINGYU SIAD

 

“T-T-T-T-T-T-HANK” WONNN STAMERED

 

“I WANNA KISS U:” MINGYU HOARSLEY TOLD HIM IN A HOARSE VOICE

 

“ARE U SRS!!!!!! “WONWN SAID. “MEE TOO THANKS!!!!!”

 

THEY KISSED AND IT WAS THE KISSIES T KISS WOW WO W  WWWWWWOW!!!!!!!

 

“I T HINK I WNAT TO DO MORE THANK KISS” MINGY ADMITTED

  
  


“R RR!!!! U!!!!!! SERIRS!!!!!” WONWOWOWSCREAMDED. HE JUST SCREAMD HE FUCKING SCREAMED

 

“YEAH!” MIGNYU AGREED “I WANTT TO DO SO MUCH TO YOU”

 

“YORUE’ SO SEXY” WNWN TOLD HIM “TELL ME WHAT U WANT TO DO TO ME”

 

“I WANT TO…..” MINGYU PAUSED, THINKIGNA BOUT WHAT HE WANTED TO DO TO OWNWON . “I WANT TO HOLD YOUR HAND”

 

AT THAT MOMENT, MINGYU UNKNOWINGLY SUMMOED THE GHOSTS OF JOHN LENNON AND GEORGE HARRISON AND RINGO STARR (IS RINGO STARR DEAD??? IDK) AND PAUL MCCARTNEY (I M P SURE THAT PAULO ISN’T DEAD) AND THEY ASSEMBED INTO A MOPTOP BAND AND STARTED PLAYING “I WANNA HOLD YOUR HAND” (THE ONLY TOLERABLE BEATLES SONG IN MY OPINONION TBH)

 

AND THEN THEY DISAPPEARED LIKE TEARS IN RAIN (LOL!! BLADE RUNNER REFERENCE)

 

“WOW  THAT WAS AMAZING” WOWNWON SAID. “DO IT AGAIN”

 

“I DONT THINK I CAN MINGYU SAID” IM SORRY

 

“CAN I TELL U THE OTHER THINGS I WANT TO DO TO U “ MING CONTINUED

 

“AAAAAAAAAAAAAA” WON SCREAMED. HE SCREAMED AGAIN CAN U BLEIVE IT

 

“ILL TATKE THAT AS A YES” MINGYU DECIDED “I WANT TO DICKLE U DOWN GOOD “

 

“WHAT IS A DICKLE” WONWOO SAID “IS THAT LIKE TICKLING”

 

“:O” MINGYU SINNED “WOW I TOTOALLY DIDN’T MEAN TO SAY DICKLE WOW IM SO NERVOUS RIGHT NOW”

 

“DID U MEAN TO SAY TICKLE!!!” WONWON SAID

 

“NO I MEANT TO SAY I WANT TO DICK U DOWN SO GOOD” MINGYU CLARIFIED FOR HIM

 

“:OOOOOOOOOO” WONWOW SAID. IDK HOW HE SAID THAT. USE UR IMAGINENATION

 

“CAN I DICKLEYDOO U” MINGYU SAID

 

“YA!!!!!! OK” WOOOO SAID

 

“WOW THAT SOUNDED LIKE EXO LYRICS FROM THAT ONE SONG” MINGYU TOLD HIM

 

“NO UR CONFUSING IT WITH YOO~ OK” THERE’S A DIFFERENCE, WONWOOWN SAID

 

“OH SHIT UR RITE” MINGYU SID “CAN WE FUCK NOW”

 

“OH SHIT WADDAUP” WONWO SAID “LETS DO IT”

  
MINGYU DIKCED WONOO IN THE EAR BY ACCINET AND DID A NUT. POOR WONOOW


End file.
